the breathtaking certainty,
that comes when you’re loved.
Hi! I love what you write so much. How do I gain self confidence? I am 14, and I can't stop comparing myself to other girls. Help me?
Asketh - Anonymous
Hello lovely anon:)
Thank you sweetheart for reading this blog. Fourteen can be such a rough age. The pressures of high school, wanting to fit in, and just trying to figure out who you are in a world full of so many other kids.
I think a lot of the time we know what we need to do to gain self confidence but we are so far in this cycle of comparison we don’t see a way out. Confidence is a choice. And I believe the greatest factor in being confident in yourself is loving yourself as you are. When you can love yourself for who you are, flaws, quirks, past and all then confidence comes more naturally. Because you see and know your worth.
When we feel bad about ourselves it’s because we think of other people as more/better and ourselves as less/ worse. We have a very black and white view of ourselves, beauty, worthy…etc. For some reason we tend to see other people as better when they also have their own flaws and scars.
My advice is just don’t compare yourself to other people. Choose to stop those negative thoughts. When they come into your mind say STOP! I’m not going to compare myself to anyone! Don’t look at the people around you, behind you, or beside you. Just look forward. Everyone has their own journey to go on. It doesn’t matter if someone is ahead of you or behind you. All that matters is are you going forward on your own path? Are you doing your best to honor your body, mind, heart, soul?
Sweetheart you are fourteen years old. You are growing and transforming and changing and it can be hard to be confident in all the transitions. But in every stage you are beautiful, worthy, smart, and you matter.
You are not supposed to be the same as these other girls. You are you and that is beautiful and special. Your eyes, the way you laugh, how your feet carry you from place to place. The things you love to do. The quirks that are uniquely you. The way you see the world and the people in it. That is beautiful. We need you to be yourself and not anyone else.
Will you do something for me? Will you go look at yourself in the mirror and say “I love you!” to the person staring back at you? Will you tell her she matters. Her story matters and this world needs her to be herself and shine her light into this world.
That she never has to feel like she is not good enough or pretty enough or smarty enough if she chooses to see herself as valuable. There isn’t something missing from you that these other girls have.
You are an amazing treasure but you have to see that. You have to know in your heart, soul, mind, and body that you are awesome. And that no matter what anyone says to you. Or no matter what these other girls are like you are good enough. You are smart enough. You are so much more than enough.
If you can start now at 14 to think like that. To wrestle with it and decide everyday to love yourself for who you are and cultivate what makes you who you are you will grow up into a very confident woman.
It’s going to take time and effort and you are going to have to face the things you might not like about yourself. But it will be worth it. Look in the mirror and love the person staring back at you.
Love her because she is you. That body belongs to you. Those eyes that light up when she laughs are yours. The mind that carries all your thoughts can be filled with good, nourishing ones.
Confidence is a choice. A daily choice to choose to love yourself and accept who you are. Accept your body. Accept your flaws. And love all of you.
Confidence won’t just happen. We have to work on it day by day.
You are beautiful. You are capable. You matter.
Be confident in that!
Tell your story. Share your art. Give your love.
Use this time to live. We are given life to be alive in every moment. To be present and empathetic. To be loved and to love. To give and receive and then give even more.
I’ve been letting my past and my pain drag me around in an endless cycle of brokenness and as I find myself slowly but surely breaking the toxic pattern and forging a new path I keep thinking that all that matters is living a life that is sincere. An honest life being myself proudly.
I’m not going to worry about what job I’m going to have. Where I should be five years from now. Who will love me for who I am. I’m going to focus on this day. Focus on being alive and present right now. Spend my time working on the art floating around my soul. Spend my time telling my story and entrusting it to those who need some hope. I’m going to live.
I always thought to have a meaningful life I needed to be great. I needed to be recognized in some way by the people of this world. To some how have them acknowledge I matter. And I realize how much bondage I was in and I don’t want to be that person anymore.
I want to free in my body and in my life. I want to just do what I love because I can. I believe if I work hard and if I just focus on being sincere and honest the pieces will come together.
And those of you who need my pieces to find your own I welcome you to my story. I hope that as you delve into each page you will feel the warmth in my words and the encouragement in my book of life.
I created The Lighthouse because I wanted to shine a beacon of hope into the darkness we all face. I hope that when you come here the light finds you and holds you tightly. That it reminds you that you matter and that this world needs you.
Tell your story. Share your art. Give your love.