One of my favorite things, is the night time. When everything is quiet and peaceful, at least on the surface. I love the night, but I can never fully enjoy it because of all the craziness of human kind. I wish I could walk on campus alone without having to worry about possibly getting assaulted or mugged. Even so I still like the night. I like that the darkness spreads calm over the earth, and gives us a chance to breathe and reflect (my favorite thing to do).
If you are looking at the title of my blog, it basically means that on this journey of life, there will be stops along the way to our final destination (wherever that is). Tomorrow I start my second semester as a junior in college, and I started thinking about how when I was younger I thought high school was the hardest thing I’d ever have to get through, but as I grew up I learned high school is only the beginning. It is the first stop of trying to figure out your place in the world. A place where you are confronted with temptations, obstacles, peer pressure, to a point where it seems like it all will break you. Some survive that with grace and then they get to college where the real battle begins. However, I think in college it is more of a battle with yourself (at least for me).
Sometimes I think college is a more liberal version of high school. One minute you want to fit in, find your click, and the next minute you want to discover yourself and take some risks. As I look towards my future, I keep thinking about how I used to be, and who I am now. I used to be so much more fearless when it came to life. I had more faith in my ability and I believed in the beauty of my dreams. I trusted myself, and I didn’t let anyone make me feel like I couldn’t do it, because I knew if I tried hard enough I could. Now, I’m twenty years old, and with each passing year I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the journey. I lost that girl that I used to be as I became the young woman that I am. I am more scared, less of a dreamer, and I have lost that trust in my dreams and my ability to achieve them.
What happened to make me like this? I honestly don’t know when or how it started, but I know that sometimes before you can find yourself you have to lose yourself. The person that you were is in the past, you have to deal with who you are now, and who you want to be in the future. Sometimes becoming a woman, means leaving the girl you were behind and finding yourself all over again. That seems to be the case for me, and even though it is hard I trust that in the future I will become the woman that I want to be and that I know I can be. I am always trying to do so much now, be so much now, that I forget to appreciate what I have accomplished to date. Although, some might have done more, it doesn’t matter because it is YOUR journey of life not theirs and you need to follow your own path. Make your own mistakes, learn from them, and grow into the woman you want to be and that you can be. Dream a dream so big and so beautiful that no one else’s can compare and keep going towards that genuine dream. Don’t let anyone (including yourself) tell you that you can’t reach it! It is your dream, it is your life, and you are the one that has to look at yourself in the mirror each day and live with your regrets if you give up before you’ve even tried.
Don’t get stuck in one stop and think that you can’t go anymore because you can. If you have the will your God will provide the way. It might not be how you pictured it, but you will be able to keep going forward. If there is something you want to do, do it, because life is too precious to end up dying with too many regrets. You might not be able to do everything, but you can start small and work your way as high up as you can get. Become the woman you can live with and look at in the mirror each morning. It won’t be easy, but it will be rewarding. Those are the things I tell myself everyday to make sure I never forget that this is my life, and I have to go after the things that I want. I have to be the driver of my life and the captain of my dreams, because no one else but God cares as much for it.
Close your eyes and picture yourself and your life in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, and beyond. What is it like? Is it how YOU want it, or is it what others want for you? Is it your true dream or a facade of it? Reflect on it, and make a decision for yourself. Make a decision about what happens when you open your eyes and see the world around you. Does it stay the same, or do you begin to go towards the next stop by making changes? Do you start to take steps towards reaching your dream or do you settle for how life is now? I hope you decide that your life is important, your dream is important, and that you should go towards your beautiful dream for as far and as long as you can. Dreams can change, they can grow, they can lessen but they are still our dreams to have and cherish. Take the time to cherish yours and realize that dreams are here for a reason.
Tomorrow is the first semester of a new year, a chance for me to discover more about myself and to work towards making my dreams come true. I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but my attitude has changed and no matter what comes my way I will survive it, and keep going forward. I will not let myself or anyone else make me feel less than able to reach my dreams. It will be hard, and there will be times when my steps will falter, but even then I will get back up, breathe, and dust myself off for the next stop on my journey of life. I pray for all of you out there, that your dreams come true, that you stay strong in the face of adversity, and most of all that the Lord gives you strength and has mercy upon your life.
The dream you have is only as beautiful as you allow it to be, so dream a dream so beautiful you begin to cry, and then go towards it with grace, strength, and wisdom. When you find yourself struggling reach out to someone to lift you back up and continue along your journey of life.
Best of luck!
Written January 15,2008