Day 118-Day 125: These past 7 days have been amazing. I am feeling so wonderful these days and I do not plan on letting go of that feeling ever. I am healthier in body, mind, and spirit. I am just so peaceful. I am happy. I am really really happy with myself, life, and the amazing people in mine.

Thank you:)

Day 117: Healthy choices. Lately I have been focusing on feeling whole in my mind, my body, and my soul. By eating well, thinking well, and just being well. By spending time writing, exercising, and reflecting, and being around people who raise me up. Today I felt like the seeds I’ve been planting are beginning to grow. It gives me hope that one day they will bloom and bear fruit. That I will look at my reflection and see the joy in my soul, the happiness in my eyes, and the energy in my body. That all these little steps I am taking to live better, feel better, and do better are going to lead me to amazing places.

I want you to understand that I struggle. Believe me, I struggle every single day to keep my head above water but I am not giving up. To me that road doesn’t exist because I know giving up won’t make things better. Giving up won’t bring me peace. Giving up is not my answer.

Trying is. Believing is. Holding on is. I am not going to let myself quit my hopes, dreams, or life. I truly hope you’ll fight too. That we’ll all be warriors fighting alongside each other on this battlefield of self. That we will lend aid to one another and encourage each other. I hope that my story helps you find the strength and determination to write your own.

All I ask of you is all I ask of myself. Try!

Day 114: Chapter 24, page one began today. I have made it to 24. I have gotten through the rubble and the wounds and made it to this chapter. I am thankful to have been given this time and it is my hope that may more chapters will be greeted. I was a little blue but someone added light into my day. Thank you to that person for taking time to spend my birthday with me. Thank you for not leaving me to enjoy my day on my own. Thank you to all the people who made me feel loved from all across this world. In this chapter I will do my best to live out each page with faith, courage, and sincerity.

Day 115: Community. Life surprises you by bringing people into your life for one reason or another. To help you grow in some way. To teach you a lesson. To give you a chance. To challenge you. To show you the way. To love you. To help save you… I met some amazing souls today and I just hope that we grow closer. I hope I am brave enough to let them in and allow them to see all the parts that make up my whole. Thanks for the laughter, the smiles, and the overflowing sense of warmth and belonging.

Day 116: Page 3. Today the sunshine I’ve been feeling inside of me is still there. A little weathered, a little faded but still bright and warm. Thank you life for having me. I struggle a lot to stay afloat but I never give up, and I think in my lowest moments I must remember that. I never give up when it counts. I am still here. Even if I have to crawl my way out I will. There is strength and there is hope in that. Thank you for all the amazing human beings I encounter. Even as I struggle they give me hope. Even when I am scared they make me believe. For all of you out there I want you to know and trust that it gets better. YOU get better.

Day 112: True friends. I had an early birthday celebration with a few friends and I just feel so thankful that they have been my family and my home away from home. Whenever I’m with them my worries fade away in the midst of laughter. They remind me of the good things in life including the ones found within myself. Thank you God for bringing these amazing human beings into my life.

Day 113: Day 23 of the 24 days before I grow a year older. My book of life is about to take me into a new chapter and this last day has been so blessed. I sit here with the soft breeze blowing gently through the open window and caressing my face. As if God himself was the wind. All day long I have felt this feeling that change is coming. The weather is changing and I am changing too. Today I thought of Jimmy Eat World’s “23” (Demo) one of my favorite songs. A song that has carried me through this twenty-third chapter and as usual it makes me tear up because it is so true to me. As I walked home today from a day filled with God, friends, laughter, and peace I looked up at the cloudy night sky and thought that when I wake up tomorrow I will be living in page one of my new chapter and this is a moment to enjoy and to triumph in. I am alive. I am healthy. I am loved. I am not alone. I was reminded so many times today that I am not alone, and I have to remember that. To remember all the love in my life when I feel lonely. To remember the good when am faced with the bad. To remember my beauty when I feel ugly. To remember my worth when I don’t feel enough.

As I stared up at the sky I realized I was listening to the Glorious Unseen’s “Tonight The Stars Speak” and in that moment I saw a twinkling light in the sky and it made me smile. I feel like God has been speaking to me in such a comforting way today. He’s been trying to tell me that I am truly not alone and that there are so many people in my life that love me for all that I am if I’d just let them. So on this last day/page of the 23rd chapter I say one last prayer to/for myself.

Dear me:
It is more than okay for you to be happy. For you to laugh and love and enjoy your life. You must not feel afraid to be who you are, to think what you think, to see life the way you see it. You must not be afraid to be yourself, because darling you are beautiful. You are good. You are worthy. I want you to be happy. I want you to be whole. I want you to be free. In this waiting chapter I pray that you finally see all the beauty and light and magic that you are and have always been. I wish you every happiness because you are deserving and worthy of happiness. Love, do not forget how much you matter. How much your life means to people. Mostly my dear please love yourself more because you are so amazing and I need you to see it, feel it, think it, and own it. Own who you are and do not ever hold back.

Happy 24th birthday love. May blessings and joy follow you through the next chapter and all the ones that come after.

With every love,
Me

Day 104-109: I took a mini-vacation with a good friend of mine. It was so good to get out of here for a few days and immerse myself in a new place. To eat the food, talk to the locals, enjoy the beautiful scenery. To just feel the sound of my footsteps somewhere else. I needed this.

Day 110: First day back at work and it was a good day. I got there on time, didn’t have anything crazy happen, and went home after to unwind and catch up with the lovely ladies in my life aka my mom and my older sister.

Day 111: The nightmares have been gone for a few weeks now and I cannot explain how blessed I feel to wake up each morning without feeling worn out and scared. I feel safe in my skin again. Today has been a day of reminders. That I am going to figure this out when I need to figure this out. That there are so many amazing souls in this world and I need to open my eyes and my heart to them. To what lies beneath their surfaces and allow them to see my layers as well. I was reminded that what I write can and does make a difference and that I shouldn’t be afraid to write nor to share my truths. Lastly, I was reminded that one person can make a positive difference in another life and that I must live my life trying to be that one person to as many struggling people as I can.

Thank you for today and all I have learned.

Day 103: “Against The Grain” by City & Colour.

You need not to climb mountaintops,
You need not to cross the sea,
You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
You need not to reach for the stars when life becomes so dark,
And when the wind does blow against the grain,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

When all your friends have come and gone,
And the sun no longer shines,
And the happiness for which you long is washed away like an ocean’s tide,
When all the hard times outweigh the good,
And all your words are misunderstood,
When the day seems lost from the start
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

If you feel you’ve paid the price,
And your wounds should cease to heal
And everything you love in life spins like a winding wheel.
If you should wake to find you’re abandoned,
And the road you’ve traveled leads to a dead-end
When death creeps in to play it’s part,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart

That song keeps saving me time and time again. Dallas Green’s lyrics wrap me up in this warm and soothing hug that never ends. I don’t know how to explain the hope and comfort this song gives me. It speaks to me in an everlasting kind of way. Thank you Dallas Green for creating music that heals, saves, and brings peace to this struggling soul.